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"Love of truth, justice, and mercy; benevolence, humility, energy, patience, and self-control, are recognized the world over, as some of the essentials that should govern human action.”

Col. Francis W. Parker

The Common Ideal of Character

In the summer of 1883, renowned 19th-century educational leader and Parker namesake Colonel Francis W. Parker gave a series of talks at a Summer Institute on Teaching. Parker’s final talk that summer began as follows:

 “No matter how much educators may differ in regard to the means and methods of teaching, upon one point there is a substantial agreement; viz. that the end and aim of all education is the development of character. There is also, little or no difference of opinion, in regard to the elements that form the common ideal of character. Love of truth, justice, and mercy; benevolence, humility, energy, patience, and self-control, are recognized the world over, as some of the essentials that should govern human action.”

Even though fostering the common ideal of character permeates all that we do at Parker, we believe it is important and necessary to carve out time dedicated to providing thoughtful dialogue on how to best live that ideal. Our mission compels us to prepare our students to make a meaningful difference in our world, and we feel that now—maybe more than ever before—is the time to invest deeply in what Col. Parker felt was the end and aim of all education. 

In this spirit, we are delighted to announce that beginning mid-October Francis Parker School will engage in a series of talks, virtual workshops and panels, parent education opportunities, and student-led discussions focusing on what Col. Parker referred to as the common ideal of character. 

It is our responsibility to the School, our mission, and, most especially, our students to ensure we invest deeply in this work. We must, as educators, help students learn to navigate differences in healthy ways. Teaching students the skills of dialogue and providing them opportunities to practice these skills in the classroom will give them tools and skills to navigate ideological differences and become effective leaders in our pluralistic democracy. At this moment in our history, a time when our public norms seem to be devolving, we are challenging ourselves, as one community, to be leaders in this work and model the ideals of Col. Parker.

Beginning mid-October, 2020, we invite the Parker community to come together and recommit to this common ideal. We will engage in honest, candid, and critical conversations about the inherent challenges of seeking truth, working toward justice, carrying oneself with humility and patience, and exercising self-control in the face of disagreement or opposition.

Why foster civil dialogue?

We are living in an era of tribalism, incivility, and vitriol. Because our nation is as divided as ever, especially as an election approaches, as educators, we have a responsibility to help students learn to navigate differences in healthy ways. Teaching students the skills of dialogue and giving them opportunities to practice these skills in the classroom will give them tools and skills to navigate ideological differences and become effective leaders in our pluralistic democracy.

In a time when public norms are devolving, we are asking the Parker Community to be counter-cultural. 

As we engage in conversations around civil dialogue, our hope is that students, faculty, staff, and parents are able to address these questions:

    • Do we have room for differences in opinion? 
    • Do we know how to both respect the experiences of others and feel free to speak our opinions?

JK-Grade 12 Shared Norms

Be collaborative.

Approach the conversation with the goal of learning and understanding, not persuading or convincing. Share talking time. Provide space for others to speak and be mindful of your participation patterns by using the acronym “W.A.I.T”—Why Am I Talking? or Why Aren’t I Talking?

Practice active listening and ask questions.

Show respect for one another’s beliefs, values, and experiences. Try to understand what someone is saying before rushing to judgment. If you don’t understand something, ask a question.

Show respect for people.

(See Teaching Tolerance’s Guide to Respectful Language)

Be respectful even where you disagree with their ideas and views presented. Do not interrupt others while they are speaking.  Avoid personal attacks or other tactics that distract attention from the salient issues. Put-downs are never okay. If someone says something that hurts or offends you, do not attack the person. Acknowledge that the comment—not the person—hurt your feelings and explain why.

Speak from the "I" perspective.

Make comments using “I” statements. For example: “I disagree with what you said.” or “Here’s what I think.” Speak for your own experiences and avoid making generalizations or using stereotypes.

Respect one’s truth for what it is.

Avoid making any assumptions about someone’s beliefs based on their identity. Above all, commit to respecting each other’s identities and honoring each other’s lived experiences.

Be aware of intent v. impact.

Acknowledge the intent, but address the impact. If the impact does harm to a person or community, even if that was not the intention, focus on restoring the community. You can ask: Was someone hurt by something? Was there a negative outcome?

Be an upstander.

Upstanders speak up and do something to prevent or reduce the harm. Be mindful that not participating is “participating.”

Educate yourself and communicate with an open mind.

Research the topics under discussion and enter into dialogue with a learner’s mindset. Know you always have the right to pass during a discussion; however, if you do not feel safe sharing your perspective or asking a question, write the idea/question down and ask the teacher to help you find a safe way to share the idea in a safe way.

Get comfortable with discomfort.

Expand your comfort level. Because the concepts we are discussing today are complex and deeply personal, they often bring feelings of discomfort. However, we cannot avoid these conversations just because they make us uncomfortable. Recognize your boundaries and listen to them.

Expect and accept non-closure.

We are going to be in different places when it comes to socio-political topics, and that is ok. Part of this journey is to know that each human interaction is an opportunity to build a bridge and seek understanding. All of this takes time, but with the continued practice of dialogue and understanding, we can build a stronger community.

Be collaborative.

Approach the conversation with the goal of learning and understanding, not persuading or convincing. Share talking time. Provide space for others to speak and be mindful of your participation patterns by using the acronym “W.A.I.T”—Why Am I Talking? or Why Aren’t I Talking?

Practice active listening and ask questions.

Show respect for one another’s beliefs, values, and experiences. Try to understand what someone is saying before rushing to judgment. If you don’t understand something, ask a question.

Show respect for people.

(See Teaching Tolerance’s Guide to Respectful Language)

Be respectful even where you disagree with their ideas and views presented. Do not interrupt others while they are speaking.  Avoid personal attacks or other tactics that distract attention from the salient issues. Put-downs are never okay. If someone says something that hurts or offends you, do not attack the person. Acknowledge that the comment—not the person—hurt your feelings and explain why.

Speak from the "I" perspective.

Make comments using “I” statements. For example: “I disagree with what you said.” or “Here’s what I think.” Speak for your own experiences and avoid making generalizations or using stereotypes.

Respect one’s truth for what it is.

Avoid making any assumptions about someone’s beliefs based on their identity. Above all, commit to respecting each other’s identities and honoring each other’s lived experiences.

Be aware of intent v. impact.

Acknowledge the intent, but address the impact. If the impact does harm to a person or community, even if that was not the intention, focus on restoring the community. You can ask: Was someone hurt by something? Was there a negative outcome?

Be an upstander.

Upstanders speak up and do something to prevent or reduce the harm. Be mindful that not participating is “participating.”

Educate yourself and communicate with an open mind.

Research the topics under discussion and enter into dialogue with a learner’s mindset. Know you always have the right to pass during a discussion; however, if you do not feel safe sharing your perspective or asking a question, write the idea/question down and ask the teacher to help you find a safe way to share the idea in a safe way.

Get comfortable with discomfort.

Expand your comfort level. Because the concepts we are discussing today are complex and deeply personal, they often bring feelings of discomfort. However, we cannot avoid these conversations just because they make us uncomfortable. Recognize your boundaries and listen to them.

Expect and accept non-closure.

We are going to be in different places when it comes to socio-political topics, and that is ok. Part of this journey is to know that each human interaction is an opportunity to build a bridge and seek understanding. All of this takes time, but with the continued practice of dialogue and understanding, we can build a stronger community.

Resources for Home

Civil Dialogue Resources

  • Downloadable PDF: Fostering Civil Discourse
    How Do We Talk About Issues That Matter?
  • 4 Tips for Talking to People You Disagree With
  • Civil Discourse in the Classroom (Teaching Tolerance)

Election 2020 Resources

  • Scholastic Magazine: Election 2020
  • Keep It Civil: How to Talk Politics Without Letting Things Get Ugly 
  • 3 Terrible Things the Election is Teaching Your Child
  • How to Guide Your Children Through This Election Year
  • iCivics
    • "iCivics teaches students how government works by having them experience it directly. Through our games, the player steps into any role – a judge, a member of Congress, a community activist fighting for local change, even the President of the United States – and does the job they do. Educational video games allow for concepts to happen to us. They convey information while teaching skills for effective civic engagement."
  • Future Voters Project: Educate Students
  • Engaging Students in Civic Discourse

[Our] beliefs are founded on the values and expectations we draw from our parents, life experiences, education, and other forms of political socialization. They are, in other words, assumptions that can be discovered, questioned, and checked through the process of critical thinking. 

Rachel Banke
History and social science faculty at the Illinois Mathematics and Science Academy, Aurora, Illinois

Francis Parker School is an independent, coeducational, college preparatory day school for students in Junior Kindergarten through Grade 12 from across San Diego County. Parker's mission is to inspire a diverse community of independent thinkers whose academic excellence, global perspective and strength of character prepare them to make a meaningful difference in the world.

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